Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Growing up

I have been thinking about it for quite some time about what I would do now, if someone were to do or say things that upsets me. This year hasn't been smooth sailing at all as I've fallen out of at least 5 friendships with people who used to be close to me. At least I thought they were.. I may seem unaffected by it but the truth is that I'm absolutely bothered by the fact that close friends can act like strangers, as if we shared no memories with each other, as though I have never mattered to any one of them. The truth hurts so much. We used to be classmates and a 'clique', but some things happened and one woman from the group said things about me, I confronted her for that. And it backfired on me, badly. I've been isolated by that group ever since. One of them claimed that shes tired of "taking sides". In the first place, no one asked her to take any one's side but apparently, she didn't take mine and now act like I don't exist at all, doesn't even look at me, avoids me and treat me as though I'm invisible. Thanks for assuming I have no emotions nor feelings. Now, we still see each other in school but only 2 out of the rest approach me when they see me. However, everything's changed, I feel uneasiness in their forced smile. It's just weird to see them still as a clique even in school, only without me. I don't know what went wrong actually, why did it even end up like this. I guess in the first place, I didn't matter at all to them. However, given another chance, I would still choose to do the same thing as I did before. I don't regret it because I know who my true friends are. Those who would stand by me no matter what happened. Actually, come to think of it, I'm quite grateful this happened. It has really made me opened my eyes. I'd rather have 1 true friend than a clique who will never be there for me when I needed them.

I'm trying my best to not allow the same thing to happen again. I also realized that after completing my internship program, I've learnt to accept people's views of me and that it's impossible to make everyone like me. During that period, one of my poly tutor outright told me that her first impression of me was incapable and incompetent just because of my looks and how fair I am, but she then told me she realized otherwise, that I was actually serious about my work. At that point I was shocked but I appreciated her honesty, wholeheartedly.. One of my friend reminded me that I have to choose my friends in school wisely. I know my parents and teachers used to say that, but as I grew older, I forgotten the importance of that.. Somehow it just slipped my mind. I know it's inevitable that there will still be negative people out there to bring you down somehow and can never be happy for your success, but, I'm trying to avoid them from now. I recently heard bullshit about myself, secondhand. I don't understand how someone can say such things to mock me and yet smile at my face and act so friendly when with me. No, this time I will not confront this person. I'm just gonna ignore and avoid her from now on because I don't want anymore drama in my life. Enough is enough. 

1 comment:

  1. this sounds exactly like what i'm going through in my 3 years of sec sch now

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