One of these nights

It's just another night where I just lay in bed trying to figure out this life, wanting to share a piece of my mind with someone else but.. :( no one knows me well enough for me to share my deepest, darkest thoughts with I guess.. Besides, who would even care enough to want to listen to all the negativity and see the pessimistic side of me.. People all just want to have fun and play around and all.

Sometimes I just wished I had someone to talk to about everything, who would have deep conversations with me without hiding anything and have conversations with me that would never end... I guess it's too much to ask for since it's never going to happen. People just talk to me when they feel like it or not and end conversations abruptly.. like what did I ever do wrong..  It affects me quite a lot even though I don't mention it. However, I'm slowly starting to feel numb, it's sad yet realistic. If I were to just disappear for a week and leave my phone untouched, no one would probably even notice and care enough to come look for me. I laugh at myself sometimes for being so shallow, attention seeking, living in my own fantasy and wanting romantic and sweet things to happen in my life... but you can't deny, deep down inside you want it too.

Haha.. Why is everything so confusing? Maybe I'm just out of my mind.. 

Fifty-eight more days

As much as I'd like to have an interesting post, my life has been a routine since internship started. Guess my life wasn't as interesting to begin with. I've been told I'm more of an introvert which I, myself am not quite sure of. I would say I'm a mix of both ex&introverted. I can be super outgoing one day and in my own world the next day. HAHAHA! I was also told that I have a bad vibe, no? :( No wonder people don't like me/ stay away from me and don't approach me la LOL... :( It's sad how people judge me completely opposite from who I really am. So far, I don't think I'm doing very well at work. Probably it's because I did not have a particularly good impression on the first day itself. Looks like I have to fact the consequence of my actions, :(((( On a much cheerful note, I still have about 2 more months left to prove my worth... And they better see it otherwise... Otherwise I'm gonna burn this place down. No, I am joking. ;) Maybe.

Although my internship grades would not affect my GPA, I still want it to be good because honestly, I think I don't deserve a D. Most of the things here I picked up myself and they expect me to know how they operate just because I've learnt tax as a module in poly? I was not offered proper guidance honestly and I regret not complaining. TSK. I feel as though they just kicked me into a swimming pool and expect me to swim for the first time. LOL. No, please don't imagining it happening for real.. xD Haha, I just don't know why things always don't work out for me. Not to mention, my grades in school are taking a dive, and I'm so fortunate not to repeat any modules though I almost did. I WAS JUST LUCKY OK?! Most of my friends kept telling me that they're scared they'll forward module. IN THE END, grades so good. -.- I don't know what to say. Fuck you all. I really don't know what to say. Don't worry, I will not snatch your places in university.. You all can go fight for your seats for university among yourselves, just don't include me in, because, I know it for myself that I have no place there right from the start. I'd rather stay out of your competitive lives and mind my own business because this is not my major. Yes, I'm in the wrong course. It was a big mistake I know, but nothing I do will change the fact that I've already spent more than 2 years here. It's a struggle, yes, but I've set my mind to make sure I do not repeat the same mistakes again and do something I like instead, which is definitely not what I'm doing right now.

One day, things will change for the better, I'm sure of it. :)

Sugar Coated Lies

So many things I want to say but don't know who to trust enough
Vexed. Uneasy. Breathless.
I can literally feel my heartache. 
You said you'd miss me but you seem fine without me.
You said you'd be there for me but you weren't.
You said I mattered to you, yet you left me hanging.
You said I was your everything when I was nothing.
I waited for you. 
Too long.
I grew tired of waiting.
Things you told me.
They were sugar coated lies.
Lies which I believed were true.
So much for believing all that shit that you'd say.
Was it something I did? Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging.
No, not this time.
It hurts so... much...
You were all the things I thought I knew.. And I thought we could be.